Fortune Funhouse (Miss Fortune Mysteries Book 19) by Jana DeLeon

Author:Jana DeLeon [DeLeon, Jana]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: J&R Publishing
Published: 2021-02-06T18:30:00+00:00

Chapter Fourteen

Gertie had leftover casserole, so we stopped at her house for a quick bite but it turned into a fashion show. Of the scary kind. Ida Belle and I were on helping number two when Gertie sneaked off and then jumped into the room with a huge ‘Tada!’ that woke up Francis from his nap. He took one look at Gertie and started saying Hail Marys.

“What in the name of all that is holy do you have on?” Ida Belle asked.

“It’s my new dress,” Gertie said and whirled around. “Isn’t it great?”

“That is not a dress,” Ida Belle said. “I saw butt cheek when you whirled. My underwear covers more.”

“Your underwear are boring,” Gertie said.

“Walter’s never complained,” Ida Belle said.

I raised one hand. “All of this—the underwear and the butt cheek—is too much information.”

“Too much is definitely the right description,” Ida Belle said.

“I think maybe you should go easier on Jeb for a first date,” I said. “He’s already seen you help me take down a murderer. If you break out the really hot stuff right off the bat, you might give him a heart attack.”

“Or he could stumble backward and break a hip,” Ida Belle said. “You already know his back’s not good. I don’t think startling him is a good idea.”

Gertie frowned. “Hmmm. I hadn’t thought about overwhelming him with my sexy. Maybe I should go a little more conservative.”

Ida Belle and I nodded and she headed off down the hallway.

“Ten bucks says the next outfit will show midriff,” I said.

“You’re on,” Ida Belle said. “I’m taking cleavage but let’s make it twenty.”

“Confidence,” I said. “I like it.”

“More like a century of knowing her,” Ida Belle said.

“How long has it been since she’s had a date?” I asked. “Not counting that scammer in Florida.”

Ida Belle shrugged. “I don’t know. A long time.”

“Who was president?”

“Washington?”

I laughed. “I hope when I get old, there’s someone around to call me on my crap.”

“Carter will do it.”

“It’s not the same coming from a guy. I can ignore a guy.”

“So very true. Do you want a beer before she comes out with the next one? I have a feeling we’re going to need it.”

“You need Jesus,” Francis said.

“I think Jesus is afraid to come to Gertie’s house,” Ida Belle said as she snagged the beers.

Francis began singing “Jesus Loves Me” and Ida Belle and I both laughed.

“That bird is something else,” I said.

“I keep reminding myself he’s better than a pet alligator,” Ida Belle said.

“Help!” Gertie came hurrying back into the room. Well, as much as one can hurry when their dress is tighter than their own skin.

“I can’t get it off,” she said.

“How did you get it on?” Ida Belle asked, then she sniffed the air. “And why do you smell like coconut?”

“I used tanning oil to get it on,” Gertie said.

“Well, then slide it back off,” Ida Belle said.

“I think the oil dried on the pertinent parts,” Gertie said.

“Well, good Lord, why did you put it there?” Ida Belle asked.

“I think she’s talking about her rear,” I said.

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